Black Hole Season

So I’m watching Bridezillas on TLC and one of the crazy brides is named Regina.

Which got me thinking, Regina Mills might have been a scared, betrayed teenager at her wedding to Leopold, but she would have been a terrorizing bride-to-be if she somehow got hitched in her full evil form. 

Samples: 

Baker: Ok so are you going to want the traditional three tiered wedding cake or a more modern sort of layer-

Regina: The cake will be in the most perfect shape known to the universe, namely, a full model of myself. It will taste like apples and my gratuitous cleavage.

Baker: But what does cleavage even-

Regina: And also my regal face shall be depicted all over this confectionary 

Baker: You want the cake to look like you and also you want your face all over it? Like should I put pictures of your face on the part of the cake that’s also your face? That’s gonna be a lot of eyeballs and-

Regina: FOOL, MY EYES ARE EVERYWHERE 

Baker: But

Regina: EVERYWHEREEEE

—-

The scene: Belle strides merrily through the woods

*Regina’s carriage screeches up*

Regina: Did my carriage splash you? Oh, also, you’re in my wedding

Belle: Wha-

Regina: As the maid of honor why haven’t you arranged the bachelorette party yet

Belle: Oh, it’s YOU again, well don’t I have a few things to say to

Regina: Are these the best party favors you could come up with I mean honestly

Belle: That’s…that’s straw…for my husband, Rumpelsti-

Regina: OH ITS ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR ONE TRUEEEE LOVEEEEE ISN’T IT WELL THIS IS MY DAY AND MY WEDDING AND

Belle: YOU KEPT ME LOCKED IN AN ASYLUM FOR 28 YEARS 

Regina:…

Belle:…

Regina: So is that why you didn’t show up to the fitting or

Belle: AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU AHHH AHHHH

Regina:  OUT OF THE WEDDING

*tosses her from the window, carriage screeches away*

—-

Emma: Soooo…Regina. Word on the block is you’re getting married. Kind of…sudden…there…

Regina: Why yes Miss Swan now that you mention it my feminine wiles are far above sufficient to attract any suitor thank you *bats eyelashes superiorly*

Emma: Uh…mind telling me who it is? Since it’s gonna be Henry’s new stepdad and all

Regina: *raises eyebrow*

Emma: Step…mom?

Regina: *raises other eyebrow*

Emma: Regina are you actually marrying anybody?

Regina: Depends, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

—-

ACCURATE BONUS:

Emma: No problem, let me just check that for you Regina