So I’m watching Bridezillas on TLC and one of the crazy brides is named Regina.
Which got me thinking, Regina Mills might have been a scared, betrayed teenager at her wedding to Leopold, but she would have been a terrorizing bride-to-be if she somehow got hitched in her full evil form.
Baker: Ok so are you going to want the traditional three tiered wedding cake or a more modern sort of layer-
Regina: The cake will be in the most perfect shape known to the universe, namely, a full model of myself. It will taste like apples and my gratuitous cleavage.
Baker: But what does cleavage even-
Regina: And also my regal face shall be depicted all over this confectionary
Baker: You want the cake to look like you and also you want your face all over it? Like should I put pictures of your face on the part of the cake that’s also your face? That’s gonna be a lot of eyeballs and-
Regina: FOOL, MY EYES ARE EVERYWHERE
The scene: Belle strides merrily through the woods
*Regina’s carriage screeches up*
Regina: Did my carriage splash you? Oh, also, you’re in my wedding
Regina: As the maid of honor why haven’t you arranged the bachelorette party yet
Belle: Oh, it’s YOU again, well don’t I have a few things to say to
Regina: Are these the best party favors you could come up with I mean honestly
Belle: That’s…that’s straw…for my husband, Rumpelsti-
Regina: OH ITS ALWAYS ABOUT YOUR ONE TRUEEEE LOVEEEEE ISN’T IT WELL THIS IS MY DAY AND MY WEDDING AND
Belle: YOU KEPT ME LOCKED IN AN ASYLUM FOR 28 YEARS
Regina: So is that why you didn’t show up to the fitting or
Belle: AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU AHHH AHHHH
Regina: OUT OF THE WEDDING
*tosses her from the window, carriage screeches away*
Emma: Soooo…Regina. Word on the block is you’re getting married. Kind of…sudden…there…
Regina: Why yes Miss Swan now that you mention it my feminine wiles are far above sufficient to attract any suitor thank you *bats eyelashes superiorly*
Emma: Uh…mind telling me who it is? Since it’s gonna be Henry’s new stepdad and all
Regina: *raises eyebrow*
Regina: *raises other eyebrow*
Emma: Regina are you actually marrying anybody?
Regina: Depends, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Emma: No problem, let me just check that for you Regina